Hi people! How are you doing?
I trust the month of January has been a good one for you. Alas, we are one week away from February; believe it or not, January sped by with wind in its sails. I hope you’ve started to work towards your goals and plans for the year. This year, I pray that you manifest deeper levels of grace and purpose. As you take those strides, don’t doubt yourself! Make that call, apply for that opportunity, make that move, you are capacitated for good success!
As I thought about what to write about this week, discussing about relationships came to mind and I thought this topic sounded catchy. However, I chose to write about this because I realized how much my relationships and communities catalyzed my growth last year. A few days ago, as I sat with my son in his online class, I listened to his teacher show us a video about a pride of lions and I realized how similar lions were to a lot of other animals like wolves, badgers, bees, and a host of others – who hunt, travel, work and live in a group/ family. This further validated my belief.
I know I’ve said this in previous posts, but please remember that we were not designed to do life alone. God created us for community; and the dynamics of your community will surely play out in your own life. Let’s look at 1 Kings 12. This scripture introduces us to Rehoboam (son of Solomon and grandson of David) who had just become king following an attempted coup of his father’s government in the previous chapter. Now king at a meeting with his constituents in verse 4, they asked for their “yoke to be made lighter” and in return pledged their allegiance and loyalty to his government.
Rehoboam asked the people for a few days and in turn sought counsel from two groups of people. First, from the “old men” who had worked with his father. These men had served in counsel and understood the nuances of governance and politics and so they advised him to posture as a servant-leader as this would build credibility and give him legitimacy with the people. He then proceeded, to ask the second group of people – “the young men with whom he had grown up with”. The chaps advised him to be sterner and more autocratic with the people and to “chastise them with scorpions”. Wow – what cruelty! These chaps from whom he took counsel were just as green as he was in the corridors of power and had no core leadership experience to leverage like the old men; however, Rehoboam chose to honour their counsel.
What was the result? The people rebelled against him and his autocratic system including breaking up the kingdom, stoning one of his taskmasters to death, the king fleeing in fear to Jerusalem, and the previously banished coup plotter becoming king. What a hot mess! Let’s just say that the counsel of his companions did him in, in an already politically tensed nation. Proverbs 13:20 summarizes this nicely, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed”.
Against this vivid case study, what are your relationship goals this year? I encourage you to think through your relationships, friendships, communities and assess the value you got from them in the last 12-36 months. It’s a lengthy timeline because I also know that relationships evolve and there maybe off-peak periods so taking a slightly longer timeline to review may help to set things in a clearer context. As you do this, please keep in mind that the nature of these relationships will differ – as people and their roles in your lives differ, so please don’t compare blindly.
Let me share something I learnt last year to help you with your relationship assessment. Last June, I signed up for a free 21-day coaching program called “Activation Intensive”. It was facilitated by Debola Deji-Kurunmi (fondly called DDK), founder of the Immerse Coaching Company. On day 4 of the program, she discussed the concept of “firelighters and fire-fighters” – and how people in your life would largely fall under one of these two categories. She also shared other insightful resources. One of them outlined 8 kinds of people you shouldn’t live without. You can check this link for a high-level explanation: https://www.whatsbestnext.com/2008/11/the-eight-kinds-of-friends-you-need-to-have/
She mentioned that people in your life could serve as visionaries, models, encouragers, collaborators, super connectors, advisors, crusaders & announcers, etc. The list is endless. For more details, you can subscribe to join the Immerse Inner Circle, buy one of their signature courses, buy the book, “Firebrand” by the same lady and look out for her free resources on YouTube. I promise you; it would be a great investment in your life.
Now, where am I going with all this?
I faithfully did this program and took my learnings further by doing a relationship audit to understand the nature and strengths of the various people in my circle or my pack as I like to think of it. And the result has been phenomenal.
If you understand each person’s role, you wouldn’t be putting a demand on them that’s outside their area of gifting/competence. For instance, there’s absolutely no point demanding or assessing how much fun you’ve had with that friend who’s a mind opener. His/her role in your life is to help you see new horizons and think in innovative ways to create change; while your energizer friends effortlessly give you a boost and pick you up when you’re down. Please note that people can function in multiple roles, but understanding this will help you build purposeful relationships, maximize them, nurture them over time, and repurpose them where necessary. Don’t be like Rehoboam who sought counsel from the wrong source.
So, I ask again, “who’s in your pack?” Do you have the right people, do you need to repurpose some relationships, filter levels of access with some, etc. I have tested this concept in my career, faith, health, finances, and it proved valid on all sides. As you start out the year, prayerfully search out purposeful and value-adding relationships that you need to catalyze your growth.
Remember, Proverbs 13:20 says, “He who walks with wise men will be wise”; and in the words of DDK, “your upgrade is connected to your collaborations”. I pray this year that you come into godly value-adding relationships that will trigger, help, and catalyze your growth and transformation.
Sending you love always!
